One of the most important things I have realized practising and collaborating Personal Branding Sessions is most of the clients come to a coach, and advisor and of course sounding boards like me is to reaffirm, re-establish and renew a lost connection. And many times when my role is complete, I ask them to progress that connection to one’s self. And reinvented as the need to connect with an external person, a partner, a friend and not limited to or always the strategist or the advisor or the coach.
A true advisor should be able to find this difference and guide you to that connection. Period.
But every time I introduce two concepts to my clients for them to be able to understand and appreciate the need for creating circles of connections or circles of friends, there is this really long pause. A pause that is full of doubt, apprehension and of course immediate and outright refusal to accept.
So, the concepts are A) Soulmate and B) Goalmate.
Hmmm.. The pause again… I can sense.
Let me put this in perspective, I am not saying that everyone needs a Soulmate and a Goal-mate, I am only saying that those achievers or ideators or creators who believe they have more in them and are able to identify the need for a mentor of sorts perform better with a Soulmate and a Goalmate. But before I start talking about Soulmates and Goal-mates, let me create the distinction between Soul-mates and Life partners in the first place.
Soul-mates do not necessarily need to be a Life Partner or a romantically inclined relationship:
“Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs” – the best definition I found on soul-mates.
A Life Partner:
“ A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each other’s needs and wants.”
So the thing is, that one has many Soulmates in their life but their purpose is all the same they challenge, inspire, instigate, motivate and awaken one’s soul so that you can evolve into a higher state of consciousness.
Normally your soul-mates arrive at a time that you are ready. It is like a destiny being fulfilled. Soul-mates are not forever, because I feel sometimes the relationship can be intense or they come closer when the lessons are learnt and then they keep moving.
Sometimes in life, you have many soul-mates at different stages in life. Soulmates can be anyone, your friend, your mom, your brother, your daughter or a son or even your maid, they most definitively need not have to be a romantic partner. But regardless of this, you will always find a strong energy, a connection. The Soulmate energy is a good energy and helps in filling vacuum and gaps that life sometimes creates in our mundane race of life. The reason I am making this distinction is that you tend to talk to this Soulmate a lot, and it need not be confused or questioned as inappropriate or awkward.
A Life Partner, on the other hand, is that companion or friend that you feel a strong connection to. It may or may not be a deep, soul connection like a soul mate, but there would be a mutual feeling of trust, understanding and respect. A life partner is someone who is dependable and considerate of your needs and wants. Of course, a life partner is also someone who you are attracted to and that you love and care for. And a secure relationship. And the most important thing is not to belabour a life partner relationship into a soulmate one and create an expectation and strain that relationship. And there are lots to learn in almost all of these relationships and they all contribute to your success and growth.
Simply put, a Life Partner is usually not spiritually or energetically inclined, its more an emotional, mental and physical thing of you.
While it is possible to have your Soulmate also be your Life Partner it does not always need to be steered in that direction.
So how do you identify your soulmates? Again as I keep telling my clients, friends, they appear before you, but here is a guideline…
- There is an instant, spiritual connection to this person almost like you have known them for a long time.
- You feel flashbacks or deja vu moments
- You seem to understand each other and have a similar style, objective or a way of thinking.
- There could be similar flaws or habits, or you both had similar challenges during childhood.
- Your connection is intense and so too is the relationship. Often it can move from extreme highs to extreme lows.
- You feel in sync with each other even when you do not meet or together.
- There may be a feeling of having to team up together to conquer something.
- You have an intuition or intuitively know what the other is thinking or feeling…
- You may experience huge shifts and changes in your life when you first meet this person.
- The relationship may not be timeless, but the love is always there
So with that out-of-the-way… let me concentrate on the more important one…
What or who is a Goal mate or Goal friend?
A Goal friend is a friend that has the single-minded goal of getting you ahead. When you make larger goals in the perspective of business, ideation, creating a venture or even partnering a particular belief you need to surround yourself with people and achievers of the same order. Create Circles of friends who have similar aspirations. Why? to challenge your status quo and take you to the next level!
The best example I can give you about of Circle of Connections is as part of BLU’ s charter we have built a business with this concept in mind, we are circles of connections, of friends, of professionals, creative partners with the same belief to take brand building, purposeful brands and defining creative strategy to the highest order of effectiveness. So we are a set of people with the same set of Goals in life. Over a period of time, many goal friends can become a circle of connection.
So, yes, goal mates are real friends, the only connection of the friendship is your individual goals, each has his/her own, but you are connected by the drive to greater impact or a centre greatness that you are able to achieve together with this person.
So goal mates can have any goal, it could be the social goal or a business goal but the concept works best for personal improvement and personal goals. Goals that you have within you and not able to see the light of the day, the more you talk to your goal friend you will notice you actually move forward. You actually start believing, find new ways of solutions, you reek of genuineness and gives you that dopamine kick every time you have a discussion or chat that idea.
So the belief of treading alone in your journey is bygone!
Move over to the new and most effective method of moving forward.
Firstly, select your Goal mate in the same wavelength and an achiever like you. You need to draw on each others strength. You need to look up to or have respect or aspire to be your goal friend at some level.
Some reasons, why you need goal mates!
- Genuinely the biggest cheerleader: They keep your goals in sight for you, motivate you and give you the mental and physical strength to move forward. They are the best ‘ Yes You Can’ person you will ever find.
- They motivate you with an “Impossible is nothing” and make the ‘impossible’ possible: Choose a person that not only knows and understands your goals but one who is also willing to push you out of your comfort zone. There may be times when you feel apprehensive about taking a risk or your limiting beliefs cast doubt about your potential. But these are the times your goal friend can help clarify and clear the smoke.
- Every little achievement calls for a celebration for them: How often do you stop to celebrate your milestones? Your Goal friend keeps your progress in perspective by giving you a pat on the back when you need it and helps you to remember that the journey is just as important as the destination.
- They just make sure that your goal remains a priority
Most Goal friends keep the end in sight always. Normally this person will not allow you to give up easily and will help you stay on course. Even when you may feel distracted, you will have the added comfort of knowing you have someone in your corner to bring you back on track.
- They prove that you don’t have to go it alone
One of the greatest benefits of having a goal friend is the feeling that you will never walk your journey alone. There will always be someone in your corner to help motivate you, dispel your fears or even give you a reality check when you need it. Working towards a goal becomes a team effort.
So go on, Seek out these people who you admire and respect to help you reach higher heights.
And write to me about your experiences with both!
The Author is the CEO and Founder of Brand Leverage United (BLU), a Singapore based Brand and Communication Consultancy and a certified Personal Brand Strategist. She writes what touches her and what inspires her or something that is relevant to be taken note off. She focuses on Brands both products and people. All views are her own and do not represent any organisation.